Thursday, December 30, 2010

Brett Favre Fined - A Tribute

In honor of Brett Favre getting fined, I decided to repost the Jenn Sterger Playboy pics post from a few days ago.

Bad form?  Yes, on my part.

On her part, nearly perfect form.

She's hot, and Favre won't even notice the 50k deduction in his paycheck tomorrow - but she's no Sofia Vergara.

And in what might be considered one of the most amazing things ever, two women on the same show are in my current top three.

Sofia Vergara is and always will be #1.  But, and I'm a total perv for this but Sarah Hyland has made the list.

I'm sure she's very, very proud that she's on my top three list.

Yes, I'm nearly twice her age...but she is 21, so that's OK right?  RIGHT?

Anyway, on with the nude.
















And I stumbled upon this candid cleavage pic of some Michigan State Fan whose breasts might rival those of Jenn Sturger's breasts...but the photographer doesn't seem to think her face measures up:


By the way, there's something about candid pics like that.  Not this one in particular, as the girl is obviously proud to be showing off her large tracts of land.  GIS "candid" and you'll know what I mean.  The girl next door type...awesome.

So uhm, Merry Christmas and I'm going to hell because of this, I hope you're happy...asshole.

I Really Was, Honestly

I was going write a post this morning on the NFL MVP.

I was going to write about Michael Vick vs Tom Brady.

I was going to illustrate how Michael Vick is Ross Perot.

But, I'm married to a big dummy.  So it's going to have to wait until tonight.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Patriots Vs Bills

I already broke down what Manning has done lately, and it's shite.  Tom Brady is lapping this pouty little dome player.  It's like Brady's got a Formula One car for a brain and arm, while Manning has a Big Wheel.

Imagine if Brady got to play football in a building meant for baseball or that soccer bullshit?  Imagine his stats if the AC was always on, or the heat was always set at a nice comfy 72 degrees?  Imagine if we pumped in fake crowd noise because, even though he's playing in this imaginary dome...the "fans" still weren't capable of making it loud enough?  Imagine if the Patriots got to change the rules each year so that their receivers, who are all Hall Of Famers anyway, are allowed to get open more easily?

Anyway...

The Pats are playing the Bills today.  The Bills = LOL.

The last time the "Wide Right" Bills beat the Patriots was September 7, 2003 by a score of 31-0. If you remember (or even care) that was the year the Patriots dumped Ty Law and he went to the Bills. It was the Patriots home opener that year and the Patriots went on to win the Super Bowl. Wow, scary Bills.

Let's add 2001 (their first Super Bowl winning year), the Patriots have gone 119-39.  Brady has a 63.7% (2971-4667) attempt to completion ratio...and yes, I counted the year he missed. One game, went 7 for 11 for 65 yards.

That was the year after this happened to the Raiders:

Haha - Read The Rules
and they've been crying, literally, ever since.

This also happened that day:
Celebrate With Me My Children
and
We Celebrate With You Father Ted
Those were good years.  These are good years to.  2008 was the greatest year of football I've ever seen, except for one single play.

Boston is expecting about 112-136" of snow tonight into tomorrow.

If you've noticed, particularly this year, the Patriots have been pretty good in the snow:
  • The Patriots haven't committed a turnover in five straight games, an NFL record.
  • The Patriots didn't allow touchdown since the third quarter against the Detroit Lions on Thanksgiving until the third quarter Sunday against the Chicago Bears. The Patriots scored 14 touchdowns in that span. Only one other team in the past 20 years has scored 14 straight touchdowns, the Philadelphia Eagles in 2004.
  • Tom Brady hasn't thrown an interception on 268 consecutive attempts. On the other end of the spectrum, New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez hasn't thrown a touchdown in 81 consecutive attempts.
  • Since 2001, the Patriots have an impeccable 45-1 record when one of their running backs has at least 20 attempts. Their astonishing .978 win percentage is well ahead of the next-best team in this stat, the Indianapolis Colts at 63-11 (.851 win percentage).
  • In their past three games when it snows, the Patriots have led at halftime by an aggregate score of 109-0. It's supposed to snow Sunday at Gillette Stadium.
Thank you Tim Graham.

If those numbers don't impress you there can only be 4 reasons:
  1. You don't give a shit about football, fair enough.
  2. You're a Colts fan slowing realizing the Manning vs Brady debate is over.
  3. You're a Chargers fan.  Go fuck yourself San Diego.  Most accurate "action" figure ever. EVER.
  4. You're a Raiders fan.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Jenn Sterger Playboy

Female readers, I apologize...please skip this post.

A warm hearth, cocoa, presents, 24 hours of the greatest Christmas movie ever and I am sitting thinking about Jen Sturger nude for some reason.

See if you can follow along.

My son got a Boston Bruins dinner set.  A little bowl & plate, some utensils, a few bottles, a bib and a place-mat with a picture of Zdeno Chara.

Hockey.

The greatest hockey movie ever?  Easy, Slapshot.  Melinda Dillon was in Slapshot and showed us all her MILF boobs.  Hot.

Hockey is a sport.  Football is a sport.

Jen Sturger recently made sports news for 2 reasons:
  1. She's hot as all hell
  2. Brett Favre sent her pictures of her penis
So, in all actuality that's 5 reasons.  Bonus points is you can guess the other three reasons.

To celebrate the Christmas spirit of a pervert like myself here's a few awesome Jen Sturger pics...


















And I stumbled upon this candid cleavage pic of some Michigan State Fan whose breasts might rival those of Jenn Sturger's breasts...but the photographer doesn't seem to think her face measures up:


By the way, there's something about candid pics like that.  Not this one in particular, as the girl is obviously proud to be showing off her large tracts of land.  GIS "candid" and you'll know what I mean.  The girl next door type...awesome.

So uhm, Merry Christmas and I'm going to hell because of this, I hope you're happy...asshole.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to you.  God bless you, your family and loved ones

God bless the Armed Forces that are sacrificing this Christmas for us, so we can sit and stuff our faces and watch that kid get his Red Rider BB Gun.

Frag as many as you can, hurry home and be with your loved ones.  You deserve it.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Ines Sainz Has A Foot Fetish For Sexy Rexy Ryan

Before getting to the Inez Sainz Rex Ryan Foot Fetish (lol) (which doesn't exist, I made it up to get your attention) I feel a need to say that you know you're getting old when guys you watched play when you were a kid, are now head coaches.

Or worse, when they have kids that are now playing in the NFL.

Mosi was one hell of a guy...NFL players that came from the 60s and 70s usually were.  The brand of athlete we have today is just that...a brand.  They're walking, talking commercials.  With the rare exception to the given rule (read this article about that last guy, and learn what real giving means), the majority of this era's NFL players are bigoted, racist, idiotic, loudmouthed, entitled, selfish, spoiled brats that have never been told "No" in their entire lives.

I remember watching Super Bowl 20 (this ain't Rome) when I was s3fd*$ifniu years old and I bet my dad $0.50 that the "Red Team" would win.  My father, looking at me like he had birthed a mutant with no hope for a better future, accepted said bet and watched the Super Bowl, while I asked him all sorts of questions about God knows what.  I never paid that $0.50.  Yet through my teenage years I must have borrowed thousands and crashed at least 2 cars.  Maybe I'll mail it to him.

I really don't know what the point of this post is...

Oh yeah, this:

Monday, December 20, 2010

George Bush Enacts Earthquake Machine

Hopefully killing thousands of Muslim and Islamic terrorists, George W. Bush pushed the cool orange button on his "Earthquake machine"

If there was one single thing I would be able to own, it would be the Earthquake Machine Bush somehow managed to create/steal/conjure with Black Magic.

Political blogging isn't an exact science like HAARP or The Earthquake Machine, but it sure is fun.

I get to sit back, enjoy my freedoms because of men and women like James Ayube II, while brave men and women like Hugo Chavez take on evil masterminds like George Bush head on whenever something happens.

Here's what gets me the most...imagine how stupid the poor citizens of Hugo's "country" must be that he even imagines being able to pull something like that off!  Imagine how much information he controls if he thinks, even for one single moment, that saying something so ridiculously whacky won't raise any eyebrows - and that there will be certain people under his rule that will believe him.

Imagine the misinformation these people actually pass to each other around the water coolers every day!

They have water coolers in countries like Venezuela. Iraq, Iran, Syria and Cuba right?

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Thighgate!

Did I or did I not tell you I invented this word?

Thighgate.

Friday, December 17, 2010

It's Interesting What Nude Pics Of Rima Fakih Can Do

While fumbling around examining and studying my site stats, I noticed a few hits from both Islamic Terrorism Breeding Camps Saudi Arabia and Iraq.

I thought that was pretty cool, terrorists visiting my blurgzi!

My amazingly famous blog bringing us all together!  I'm breaking boundaries here folks!  There will be peace in the Middle East because of ME!  What Barak Hussein Obama, II Barry Soetoro, Jr al-Kenya failed to do, I succeeded.  Me.  Not you.  Me.

With words and awesome non existent pictures of Rima Fikah naked, Israel needn't worry anymore that some freako group of Islamic whackos aren't trying to wipe them out.

By the way, wanna have some fun?  Put on your prophylactic hat and read the Shitipedia article entitled "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Israel" where Shitipedia and it's merry band of liberals do everything to defend Ahmadinnerjacket.

For example, he never said that he wants to wipe them off the map because:
Ahmadinejad did not say he was going to 'wipe Israel off the map' because no such idiom exists in Persian." Instead, "he did say he hoped its regime, i.e., a Jewish-Zionist state occupying Jerusalem, would collapse.
That's pretty weird if you ask me.  Because he most definitly said:
The Zionist regime has lost its raison d'ĂȘtre. Today, the Palestinians identify with your name Khomeini, your memory, and in your path. They are walking in your illuminated path and the Zionist regime has reached a total dead end. Thanks to God, your wish will soon be realized, and this germ of corruption will be wiped off.
Anyway, back to why these Islamic Terrorists are visiting my site...

Maybe it was the kings of these "countries"!  Maybe they were like, "Look at what this guy says, it make so much sense...we really are idiots!  Stop all bombers now...we love the Zionist Capitalist Pigs and the Jews!.  Also, stop calling them Zionist Capitalist Pigs".

Or maybe, that's not it and it was some honorable Islamic terrorist believing that nude pictures of Rima Fakih actually exist and that, having found them on my website, would hunt her down and slaughter her and her family...because that's what they do, these Muslims.

As I sit here analyzing this more closely...I have come to the more realistic expectation that it was a member of our Armed Forces, who happens to read some other blog that probably has me on their blogroll and just clicked along while killing some time.

Pretty sure that's what happened.

So for you, a proud member serving this country so I can sit here in true freedom, I present to you what has GOT to be the hottest lingerie set I've ever seen.

Open Cup For Awesome Side Boobage
Serve proudly and think about this chic when some Islamic terrorist is hiding in some tornass building.  If you cap him, her boob will slip out.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Iran Is Full Of Whackos

Honest leaders of a peaceful, misunderstood sovereign nation Iranian Muslim terrorists...the same ones that called on us to:
...implement the following recommendations … to halt serious violations of human rights and humanitarian law … Legislate appropriate regulations to prevent the violation of individual privacy … to take effective measures to counter insults against Islam and the holy Quran as well as Islamophobia … and effectively combat violence against women
Those last two parts always get me..."don't make fun of our terrorist manual, the Quran little bible and be nice to women like us".

Anyway, the Muslim Terrorists issued the following threat:
“We will mark the hanging sites of the American and Zionist generals and we will identify which hanging was in retaliation for the blood of our great martyr Shahriari.”
That may sound super terrorist crazy on the surface, but if you look deeper you'll find they are simply a country forced into their way of life by us, the Zionists.  We need to respect them, blame Bush for all of this and simply allow them to be a free country without our interefence.

Just like they do to Israel.

List of how nice Iran is to women after the jump.


2010 World Cup - Liberals Ruining Soccer, Too

No Peeking, You're A Severely Injured Flopper
As you all know and are undoubtedly excited and thrilled about (laugh track), the 2010 World Cup is scheduled to be held in Qatar (pronounced Gutter, look it up).

Awesome for them, some shithole third world country living in the stone (pun intended) ages gets to be on center stage while a bunch of sissies flop on the ground and pretend to be injured.

God soccer sucks.  Any sport that's allowed to end in a tie sucks...even you hockey.  I would never say that to a hockey player's face, but I would say it to a soccer player because he would just fall down.

Normal Behavior, No Need To Discuss It
So, hosting the 2010 World Cup brings them to center stage.  With that, they're obviously doing their best to demonstrate to the civilized world how they're not a bunch of intolerant, whacko, Islamic savages, right?

Wrong.

FIFA president Sepp Blatter asked soccer fans to be careful while time traveling into the stone ages.  You see, some soccer fans may be homosexuals.  Thing is, Islamic/Muslim terrorist whacko facist animals don't take kindly to no buggerin'.  The usual punishment for exercising your sexual freedom on planet like Qatar (pronounced Gutter) is some sort of stoning.
Just A Different Culture, That's All



When asked about how visitors should behave in Qatar (pronounced Gutter), Blatter said:
I would say that they should refrain from any sexual activities.
Liberals went fully sideways with fury.  How dare this soccer person tell us what to do and when and where, they wonder.  Full attack mode turned on, liberals and homosexuals turned on Blatter like Fonda to a group of Vietnam POW's.

Knowing the liberals for what they are...sociopathic enablers that search daily for something to be upset about got upset at, I'm guessing, the fact that Blatter used the word "homosexual".  That's all I can think they're upset about.  Why else would they be upset?

Sovereign Nation At Work - Butt Out U.S.A.
Could it be that exposing their precious Middle Eastern countries for what they are, intolerant, grotesque Muslim/Islamic Terrorism Factories, hurts their cause of pinning the U.S. as the country of intolerance, hatred for homosexuals, bigotry and racism?

If these lovely countries are truly the bad guys, liberals have nothing on the U.S.  How can they say "fly-over country" is everything that's wrong with the world if these disgusting Muslim animals are exposed as the pigfuckers they are?

And seriously...lots of these Muslim pukebuckets really are out there running around Iraq, Iran, Syria, Somali, Egypt fucking their livestock.  I'm not joking.

Knowing he used the "H" word, and the relentless power of an angry liberal he had to elaborate:
We are living in a world of freedom, and I’m sure that when the World Cup will be in Qatar, and this will be in 2022, and you see in the Middle East, the opening of this culture. It’s another culture because it’s another religion, but in football, we have no boundaries. We open everything to everybody, and I think there shall not be any discrimination against any human beings. … If people want to watch a match in Qatar in 2022, they will be admitted to matches.
Openness, Freedom and Culture
Good job, lotsa nice buzzwords liberals like to hear, "culture", "no boundries", "openness" and "freedom" (even though a liberal has no idea what freedom even is, or how it's been achieved in this country - or actively tries to stifle it if they don't like the kind of freedom it happens to be).

Poor guy, ya gotta hand it to him really.

What so you, John Amaechi?  You're an openly gay basketball player.  That's a very brave, noble, boundary shattering thing to do.  What?  You didn't come out until after you retired...nevermind.
This is yet another case where the epic, archaic, Neanderthal ignorance of someone who wields the power to summon kings, princes, presidents and prime ministers to bid at their pleasure uses that power not to foster positive change but to further entrench bigotry… Blatt’s words aren’t really about sex… He’s really saying don’t even ‘look’ gay, re-closet yourself and pretend the ties and love and affection you have for your partner or even some random bloke you might meet on your travels are gone for the whole time you are in Qatar.
So yeah, Blatter's to blame for it all.  Not these fucking Mulism terrorists.  Nope.  Some guy that heads up a soccer league is to blame for the intolerance seen around the world.  It's Blatter's fault Qatar (pronounced Gutter) will kill you if they find you with your loved one, not Qatar, not Mulism terrorists, not Islamic terrorists, not Middle Eastern religious zealotry, not deliberate misinformation distributed by the dying television media, not the false accusations of racism and bigotry when it's not really happening...

It's Sepp Blatter's fault.

Two ending points.

1) Fuck you Muslims
4) Fuck you Islam
B) Fuck you liberals

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

New Dream Theater Drummer

The Lord Almighty Upon His Throne
Have you asked yourself, as I have been since "The Day", who is Dream Theater's new drummer?  Since The Day  they've been auditioning to fill in for the astonishing, awesome, fascinating, incredible, marvelous, prodigious, shocking, stunning, surprising, unbelievable, wonderful, bewildering, breathtaking, extraordinary, impressive, marvelous, miraculous, spectacular, staggering, startling, striking, stunning, stupefying, stupendous, wonderful, wondrous ex-drummer Mike Portnoy?

Yes?  You have?  Good, then I wrote the right post for you.  I'm thinking about you when I make posts.  Not him or him....you.

My call is this guy, he's a badass and his name is Aquiles Priester:

1
2
3

Damn good.  Probably one of the best guys I've heard in a long, long time.  Is he as "musical" a drummer a Portnoy,  No. Not in my opinion.  He's absolutely mind-boggling fast, and Freakeys is some of the coolest music out there.  However, I'm hoping he can session the next album and Mike will come back and order will be restored to the world.

Nothing surpasses these kinds of chops:

1
2 - incredible from about 40 seconds on, the everything after the 2 minute mark is not humanly possible and is illegal in 40 countries.
3