Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Chicago Way Has Saddened Me

All this talk of corruption in politics is starting scare me.  It's like they're going to seriously start offing each other...Rahm Emmanuel is the scariest dude I've ever seen.  And I've seen some scary dudes in my day.

Probably Him.
One day, I was driving out to Oregon with a friend and we picked up a middle-aged hitch-hiker in the middle of Kansas.  He got into the back seat, which is how all slasher movies start.

Anyway, he was making small talk, like all murderers do right before they strike. He then reached into his coat pocket and  pulled out a weapon and began wielding it around like a complete fucking loonbar.  So I jammed on the brakes and screamed "Hey what the FUCK are you doing??".  He was holding a small mechanical Phillips-head screwdriver and "claimed" he was fixing the overhead light in my friend's Subaru wagon.  Which he did...but that's not the point.

We dropped him off outside Boulder for his "Phish show", most likely code for "Voodoo Murderer Meeting".

My friend and I were lucky to have made it out alive, were it not for my decisive thinking.  He was obviously going to jam a real rambo knife into our heads but when I stopped the car in the middle of the highway, he quickly switched and grabbed the screwdriver.

The Weapon
I've supplied a picture of the horrible device for reference.  Those of you with weaker constitutions don't look to your left...just keep reading.  It isn't the actual weapon used in the altercation...but it's pretty damn near close.

Did I over-react?

It could be argued as such. But do you want to be threatened with a tiny screwdriver while attempting to operate a moving motor vehicle?

Didn't think so, tough guy.

So, that right there, my friend, is hard evidence that Rahm Emmanuel is the scariest dude in the world.  Because if I saw him, I would react in a way that is far more cautious of a manner than I did with those other two nefarious, criminal, rejects of a society succumbing to communism and jihadist apologists.

Get all that? 

It could very well protect you some day.  Consider me the Les Stroud of blogging - and you don't need to thank me.  My friend didn't at the time, and neither did that hitch-hiker.  So I understand...this type of thing can leave one speechless.  Much like the 20 miles of so of blank, awkward silence that followed while he fixed the light and until we pulled over because someone had to go to the bathroom.


  1. PMSL- Nefarious dudes with eyeglass screwdriver repair kits? I agree...Rahm is a creepy kind of guy
    What was taking you to Oregon? I am a native Oregonian...and will be heading that way this December for a road trip.
    Thanks for adding me to the blog roll....though I am hoping you keep your hopes and expectations low...

  2. I work in IT.

    I'm an expert at expecting the worst from people.

    All kidding aside, from what I've read I doubt that'll be the case.

  3. Oh, and what brought me to Oregon was a cross-country road trip with a friend when I was in college.

    We were going to go be ski bums at Mt. Hood.


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