President Obama's chief of staff and a Gulf state senator ripped BP chief executive Tony Hayward for taking time off Saturday to attend a glitzy yacht race around England's Isle of Wight as oil spewing into the Gulf continues to wreak havoc on the environment and wildlife.
Obama: "Thanks for those millions of dollars in campaign contributions, British Petroleum!"
BP: "Sure no problem, mind if we start that exact same plan foroff-shore drilling you were against when Bush was in office but now you say is OK?"
Obama: "Sure, do you have all the paperwork and permits in order?"
Obama: "That's OK. Go ahead and set up some rigs down in the Gulf Of Mexico. Get it to me later, this isn't anything really important."
Enter Environmental Groups...
EG: "Please don't drill down there, it will destroy the environment."
Obama: "Sorry, I've got a 6:45 Tee-time."
Oil Rig: "BOOOOOM"
Environment: "Ahhhh!! It burns! Get it off me, get it off!!! AAHHHH!!!!!! I AM DYING!"
Obama: "Nice birdie, Joe!"
Environment: "Guys, I can't breathe...."
Obama: "Fucking 9-iron for this shot? You're an asshole, go get me a new caddy you piece of shit."
Obama: "I am furious about this back nine, I mean oil spill, and I am going to kick someone's ass. BP is an evil oil company, George Bush should never have allowed this to happen."
Liberals: "I like Starbucks!"
BP: "We are doing everything we can to fix this."
Obama: "Well Damn Joe...this'll make 14 different Golf Courses in about a month. That's really cool, it's awesome being the leader of the free world...especially because nothing goes wrong....DAMN SLICE!"
BP: "This guy has got to be kidding me, I need to take a day off and watch a boat race."
Obama: "HOW DARE YOU NOT PAY ATTENTION TO EVERYTHING THE ENVIRONMENTAL GROUPS SAID? HOW CAN YOU DARE BE DOING SOMETHING SO TRIVIAL AS WATCHING A BOAT RACE DURING A TIME LIKE THIS? YOU SHOULD BE TAKING CARE OF THE OIL SPILL, NOT DOING LEISURE ACTIVITIES!!"
Environment, Independents, Republicans, Tea Party Members, Middle Class, Gulf Coast Wildlife, The Constitution, The Bill Of Rights, America: "...death gurgle..."
Liberals: "Wanna watch whale wars?"