Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I Hate You Natalie Portman

You don't understand me, you're an American.
Natalie Portman, she of the artsy-farsty French type movies because simple Americans don't understand art, is a phony.

Which kind of actress are you, Ms. Portman?  Are you an Avant-garde thespian staring in Anti-American movies (but not because you're Anti-American, but because you're some kind of "citizen of the world")?

Or are you a cash-hungry sell-out that stars in money making mindless fluff with the likes of Ashton Kutcher just to turn a quick buck because your art movies are pretentious, boring and arrogant and bring you nothing come payday?

I don't like you, in fact I hate you - along with Diane Keaton.  Of course, right there in the middle of your career you did the typical "mother daughter" movie with Susan Sarandon that all actresses of your type must do in order to then move on to movies with French names, or subtitles.  As if Susan Sarandon is some kind of gatekeeper to the stairs that lead you above the proletariat ticket buyers to your fellow posh elitists.

You're a phony, through and through.  You're hate of "fly over country" doesn't stop you from pandering to them when you "slum it" for a few flicks to afford some God awful dress to wear to some stupid award ceremony unwittingly flaunting your materialistic, shallow nature.

As a comic fan, your presence in Thor makes me want to vomit.

Nevermind the fact that Branaugh, someone I've always admired, seems to be pulling some sort of publicity stunt by casting a black actor to play a blond haired, blue eyed Norse God.

Artistic liberty?  No.  If it was someone that didn't make an approximately 5 hour, word for word adaptation of (the greatest piece of written word in history) Hamlet.  He knows what he's doing.

So stick it up yer tight, flat no-ass, Natalie.  Your movies suck.  All of them have since The Professional - and that movie was good because of Gary Oldman and Jean Reno...not you.  You've no claim to that movie other than showing your panties and looking like you smelled really badly.

Anyway.  Pick one, please.  Given my druthers, I would rather you stayed over in the art-house crap.  Am I scared of subtitles?  No, not at all...some of my favorites have subs (Life Is Beautiful etc) but your movies stink of snobbish, uppity crap that you want to be in so you can consider yourself an actor with "depth" and "range" (think all the gibberish uttered by the moronically brilliant Kirk Lazarus who knows not to go full retard - yet you do without playing the part of a disabled person).

So just stay away from the movies I like, please.  You ruin them for me.  Just your stupid face ruins it.  I see the Thor preview, then your dumb face and want to cry.  That's how sad you make me.  Did you set out to make me cry?  I'm sure French people cry during your movies that make no sense...but I cry because I know you're a phony that's slumming it to make a buck - because your other stuff can't pay for your lifestyle.

Go away, Natalie Portman...go away.

5 comments:

  1. Aww. I guess I'll have to skip Thor. I was gonna catch it, but now... nah.

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  2. Same. I'll just wait for it to be on TV.

    And believe me, I am excited as ever about all these Avenger movies...Hulk, Iron Man etc. This really ruined that movie for me.

    You gotta think she's the same type of Hollyweirdo as Gweneth Paltrow...("Americans are disgusting in their mourning of 9/11. It's too much and embarassing").

    But she has no qualms taking a paycheck from those same middle class ticket buyers she finds disgusting.

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  3. I am kinda thinking that you do not like Natalie Hershlag, am I right?

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