Thursday, February 24, 2011

Top 5 Games For Your Android

You need these games.  Ranked from good to favorite.

  1. Paper Toss.  You're sitting in a first person perspective in different office settings and your goal is to...yep...toss paper...into a basket.  Office fans, distance and objects around you effect the crumpled bits of 1s and 0s.  Not a game that you spend a lot of time at...perfect for waiting in line at the pharmacy for some Vicodin or convenient store when the loser at the front of the line is buying 74 scratch tickets.
  2. XConstruction. You are an innovative, well known, renowned architect.  No, you're a faceless, non-existent, omnipotent bridge builder holding the precious, fragile lives of train riders in your finger tip.  Given a specific number of pieces of metal for each level, you need to build a bridge that will hold a train as it traverses across your design.  Do you understand the power of the triangle?  That's all you need.
  3. Ninjump. Press start and you are simply climbing a wall between two buildings...as a ninja!  How high can you go?  It's endless (I think).  As you climb the wall, tapping the screen or pressing the camera button makes your ninja jump from one building's wall to the other.  While you are in flight, you spin around, slicing your sword through the air.  That's important.  Because it would be a stupid game if all you did was watch a ninja climb a wall, right?  Fuckin-a right I'm right.  Anyway, birds, squirrels, other ninjas that throw ninja stars or barrels of dynamite are dug in like ticks along the walls trying to fucking kill your ass.  If a bird hits you, you fall to your death, shamefully.  Kill three in a row of any kind and you turn into that object and are invincible for a few moments.  For example, kill three birds and you sprout wings and soar straight up the center, sword extended killing all in your path.  Shatter three barrels of dynamite (careful, if you are too late hitting the barrel, it blows up into 4 ninja stars and you die) and you turn into a huge rocket and blast off.  There are small blue circles on the wall...these are shields.  Grab one and you can take a hit, but lose the shield.  I can't get higher than 7,000 points or so...I'm sure that's a horrible score. 
  4. Angry Birds.  This is a new one.  Not many people have heard about this, but I have a feeling this one could be a hit.  Using a slingshot, you fling...angry...birds...at buildings constructed flimsily by a group of disgusting pigs because they stole your eggs and are sonofabitching cowards.  It sounds lame, but I think this one has potential to catch on.
  5. Crazy Snowboard. Easy snowboard game.  Third person perspective.  You hit jumps and do tricks.  Earn points to unlock more "dudes", "boards" and "grabs".  It's that easy to pick up and play.  Each level can be beaten with 1, 2 or 3 stars like that Angry Birds one.  Very, very fun.

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