Saturday, January 15, 2011

Blah Blah Blah, Yadda Yadda & Meh

Whistling Past The Graveyard
"Stupid shit will happen on any given day...
When you're living with an idiot, that's the price you pay!"

Just a little diddy running through my head for some reason.


Anyway, finally got myself out of the year 2007 and got myself a smart phone.  Picked up the htc Incredible and I'm having a blast.  This thing does it all.  Yes, I know - Angry Birds.  Fun.

I like the barcode scanner app.  I shop for a lot of collectible if I see one that I think it rare I just scan the barcode and see what it's retailing for, or what Ebayers are doing with it.  Priceless app.

The only app it doesn't seem to have is a "Rewind My Fuggin Life" application.

Crazy Neighbor

So, I have a crazy neighbor. Goddammit.

The wife and I just bought our first home, it's a condominium, however it is still our first home purchase.

Instead of images of a warm hearth, a playful baby, entertaining guests to a night of Chutes and Ladders, Twister or Name That Tune, dreams of birthday parties outside on our lawn (I have a lawn now!) I have visions of the police showing up at my son's birthday party because it'll be "too loud", or the police showing up because our guests are singing Thinlizzy's Jailbreak too loudly. Or maybe they come because the fire in my fireplace is too warm and she can feel it through the walls.

You see, we live in a set of three condos. From right to left are three garages and the three units. Our garage is the first on the right and our condo is the last on the end.

When it snows, I need to shovel a path. A long one. (that's what she said) I wake up at 4:30 in the morning to get to work by obviously I'm the first one out there shoveling. When I first moved in I would shovel for everyone, just as a sign of good will.

However when I come home and it may have snowed some more...she will have shoveled the entire walkway (we're only responsible for what's in front of our particular unit) except for a perfectly straight line where our "property" starts".

OK, fine...she's petty. I'm a big boy I can shovel but that was my only warning needed that I had a kook on my hands.

I decided to sink to her level for some reason and shovel everything, except for a patch of approximately 6 square feet in front of her unit. I bought some pet and child safe ice-melt and applied it everywhere I shoveled...except, obviously, in front of her unit. It left a nice big patch of icy snow there. She decided to shovel a very small path through that snow, leaving the rest of the snow up to our line.

Because I work 55 hours a day and my wife has a job that allows her to work from home most days, we had agreed that she would let the dog out and walk him if he needed to drop the kids off at the pool. She doesn't walk the dog, because she's lazy...and the dog started shitting in the house. AWESOME!!

Her genius idea was to buy one of those pet ropes and attach him to the front stoop. When the dog simply needs to pee, we let him out the front door and he does his business. I usually walk him when he needs to do the other (weird, I know). This rope is long enough to reach the neighbors side of the planet.

So, I came home last night after a very long day of work and a wake for my co-workers mother. I woke at 4:30 am and didn't get home until 8pm. As I was walking up the sidewalk I saw she hadn't cleaned it off. So I picked up the shovel and pushed it all away, onto her little path she made to avoid shoveling.

Out she came like Mt. Etna...screaming not to shovel it onto her side...odd it was there anyway (shoulda taken pictures), and that she's sick of seeing "yellow snow"...I chuckled a bit because I was so tired all I could think about was Frank Zappa and that...this is the one that got me..."she better not see dog shit in front of her stairs again". I told her I didn't have time to listen to her ranting, we were warned about her by the previous owners and that I'm going inside. She called me a "fucking asshole" and in I went to relax after a satisfying day of God's gifts.

My wife had over-heard what was going on, asked what happened and I told her. I told her that if she can't take care of the dog we'll find a new's not fair to him to go through that, it's not fair to us and it's not fair to the neighbors to see dog shit on their front stairs.

My wife calmed me down and I was fine until attention now...this is the best fucking part of it all. "You're the better person here obviously, why don't you go over there tomorrow and apologize".


I...I just...who...when did...

I give up. Go read the news.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

What Do I Have To Do For You People?

Dance naked?

Nude Rima Fikah pics?

Ines Sainz?

Don't you care about me?

Monday, January 10, 2011

I Ask You Again, What Have You Done For The Internet?

Nothing, probably.  But I have.  Because I help when needed.

So, that next blog...instead of searching and searching, using your thesaurus firefox addon....just use these to sum it all up.

I'm a regular 4G Shakespeare.  What I've contributed to the internet nomenclature is voluminous and expansive.

Add these to the list.

"You're a racist" - The defense immediately spewed by any and all politically correct people when someone criticizes a non-white person.

"Shitapedia" - Wikipedia, see the definition please.

That's all for now.

Oh, and thanks for the huge delivery of failure in posting The Hotness during the Seahawks game.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

NFL Picks

I'm going to give my NFL picks in a moment. But I want you to look at something.

It's something you're going to see a lot of in the coming weeks. I don't care what Sexy Rexy Ryan did, I don't care what Pete Carroll did.  I don't care how loud Ray "No 187 For Me" Lewis did.  Your team sucks, and they are going to be owned.

The Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl. Take heed, and take notice.

That's Right.  You Lost.  Cry More.
You see that look?  Get used to it.  Number 4 (which really is number 5) is on it's way.  Prepare yourself now, because it's coming.  Do what you need to do - stack up on Kleenex, put an order in for a new TV for when you throw your beer at it, call the wahmbulance - because it's all over but the shoutin'.

These are my NFL picks.

The Cravens just beat Flaccid who's never won a home post-season, that's an accomplishment!  Both the inablity to win a home game in the playoffs, and sarcastically beat a guy that's never won at home.  Slow clap for the Ravens.  They deserve it.  I mean, Ray Lewis has been wearing his Super Bowl ring from 1977 all week.  Whoopdie-diddly-dee.  Maybe he'll do that "explosion dance" before he loses to...

The Steelers.  Big Ben always wins at least one playoff game.  The Ravens seem to just be there for some reason, and then go away..except that one win against the Pats but that doesn't count because I said so.

The Seahawks beat the Saints and the NFL should be ashamed that a 7-9 team is in the second round.  What is this, the NBA?  I'm sorry if that was raaaaaaaacist.

The Seahawks will lose to the Eagles who will beat the Packers who will lose to Atlanta who will beat the Bears to go on and lose against the Pats in the Super Bowl.

Also, why are so many African-American, Blacks, Black Americans, Afro-Americans, People Of Color, Non-Whites and Americans of African Anscestry rooting for Michael Vick?

The guy's a disgusting pig of a man that should be curbed like Edward Norton did in American History X.

Link Dump Before I Go Somewhere

I have an adventure planned today, I cannot tell you about lest you are prepared to die.

So I've got some required reading, I expect full reports in my comment box upon my return.

Ward World History gives us a nice little break down of the ACLU.

The Scottcarp Dream uses the greatest comedy of all time to tell us why the greatest failure of all time needs to be undone.

I simply can't get over this one.  In other countries, they don't bother hiding it.  This country they have to hide it, because the liberals have disguised themselves as Americans...and if that veil were to be lifted all those white-guilt democrats would lose their minds.  Thanks Distorted View.

Can We Keep Our Republic tells us how the mentality of "Everyone wins, there are no losers" has crept its way into the United States Military.

Thanks to American Perspective we get to see just how looney the Daily Kos readers are.  As if you needed more proof.

Why do I hate New England.  My Journey will explain...without words.

Et tu, Virtual Mirage?

Raise your hand if you wish you could have been one of these guys. Nod = Lady Cincinnatus.

Proof Positive indeed serves up a warm bowl of quote du jour.  Liberals, NO SOUP FOR YOU!

Never missing a chance to inject racism and blame Conservatives.  Left Coast Rebel maps out perfectly how AZ lawmakers are pointing fingers at everyone but the shooter...from Sarah Palin to the Tea Party.  Gotta bury that truth liberals...bury it good and deep so no one can see right through ya.

Rational National USA introduces Tom McClintock.  Someone the likes of which to whom more attention should be paid.

DenO's guest columnist does an amazing job of drawing our the fiscal insanity coming out of the White House.

That's it.  I'm off on my mission!