Saturday, December 17, 2011

Kevin Smith Disses Robert Kirkman?

I will grind anything I make into dust.
Kevin Smith, you know that fat guy that played roles in movies where he doesn't talk because he's too stupid to remember lines, is into comics.  He's even tried writing a few but the one's I've tried to read like Green Hornet or Kato were pure shit.  Ok, his work on Daredevil was good, but take a look at who he was working with and what story arc he trailed.

Even he knew Green Hornet would suck, as did the movie, because every issue has about 20 different variant covers.  That is some hack bullshit right there.

Anything movie the guy makes he wants to write a comic about it too, so he can double dip on the profits from 16 year old stoners.

Anyway, I'm currently reading a real comic called Preacher by Garth Ennis.  It's widely regarded as one of the best graphic novels of all time.  Notice nothing from Kevin Smith is anywhere on any of those lists...he's a comic fan that got an in because he's a celebrity, and we all know how the comic world loves their moonbat Hollywoodland folk.

But that isn't the point, the point is Kevin Smith's foreword in the second Preacher trade paperback.

Here's the part that really made me LOL:
"Controversial," as we all know, is often a euphemism for "interesting and intelligent." Although the pages of PREACHER are filled with avant garde takes on the nature of God and the questionable manner in which religion is followed by the masses without thought (not to mention renderings of brutal bloodletting and graphic, often disturbingly funny violence), this is not a book full of sensationalistic crap writing or drawing. To me, sensationalistic crap writing is lopping off the hand of a time-honored character to give him a "new direction," and sensationalistic crap drawing is page after page of uber-nimrods penned with little regard for proper proportions, set against background deficient splash pages.
Time out for full disclosure:
  • I'm Catholic.
  • Last time I was in church I got married.
  • I'm not particularly religious in any way.
  • I don't care what religion anyone is, as long as their religion doesn't justify strapping bombs onto handicapped people and wheeling them down a ramp into a  crowd of people.
  • Preacher is very critical of religion, and the religion used in the book is Christianity.
  • I was not offended, the book is awesome.
First, he starts off by insulting people.  He changes the definition of a word to fit his argument of anyone that disagrees is "uninteresting" and "unintelligent"...typical Hollywood elitism.  Why is it the moonbats out in Hollywood are the first to take on any causes celebre like if some athlete uses the word "fag" or says something "controversial"...they all gather their pitchforks, toss on their PC club uniforms and march in unison against the oppression.

Of course, insulting Christians is always OK.  You'll never see the beautiful people get all up in arms for the constant attacks on Christians in this country.  Muslims, Buddhists, Hunduk etc.  (Again, I'm not particularly religious, just sticking up for those that might be).


Then he uses the term "avant garde".  People that say avant garde should be double punched in the colon.  Hard.

This should be on the cover of every Kevin Smith comic.
So. Anyone that reads good comics knows he's talking about Robert Kirkman and the main character of Rick in The Walking Dead, another book considered to be among the very best of all time.  You may have even heard of the television show that's blowing up the ratings.

Robert Kirkman vs Kevin Smith is like me vs Carl Lewis.  I'm lucky if I can run to the bathroom.  Kevin Smith is lucky if he can put a coherent story line together for 22 pages.

In closing, I'll use Smith's own words to insult him...
The last time I said something nice about PREACHER, the good folks who compile the trade paperbacks at DC pulled a quote from my gushing praise of the parties involved in bringing this fierce new book to life, and they printed it on the cover - along the top and above the title....the pull quote was "More fun than going to the movies!," complete with my name and then-filmography printed underneath (Clerks, Mallrats)...And - as with all easy targets - some zero took perhaps the easiest shot in the world at me.  Hiding within a then-current issue of The Comics Journal, at the bottom of the 'Viva la Comics!' section, was my quote and credits - over which was the oh-so-damn-witty headline "Well, maybe one of yours..."
I agree with the person Smith deems a "zero" (there's that moonbat elitism again, they just can't help themselves can they?) Kevin Smith and his movies suck.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Korn Sucks (Are They Still Even Around?)

This Is A Dork

I can't be arsed seeing if that whiney, Daddy-issue shit band is still putting out "albums".  But I used to date a girl that loved Korn.  I remember she used to play some album that had a song on it that sounded so damn familiar I had to call them out, but she refused to see it.

The reason this comes up now, is because a song called "Too Many Puppies" from Primus on the album Frizzle Fry (awesome) just came up in Winamp.  I set it to shuffle my entire collection all day and that song just came on...great tune.

So it reminded me of that old Korn song and how I thought it was a rip off.  I decided to do some Googling/Youtubing.

Here's the intro to Primus' "Too Many Puppies":



Here's Korn's "Blind":



Ain't that some bullshit?  That's a complete intripoff. I just made up that word.

People Need To Know How To Use Their Scanners Correctly

If you're using any kind of photo editing software to scan music album covers, comic book covers, comic pages etc onto the internet for databases like Encyclopaedia Metallum or comicbookdb.com, there is a very simple step you need to learn.

99% of the album covers out there suck. They suck because of a thing called "Noise Reduction" and people not knowing how to use it. (I guess that's what happens when most kids steal Photoshop and think that makes them an arteest, but it wouldn't hurt to actually read a tutorial or two.

I'm going to show you an example of the difference NR makes when making hi-res scans of album covers.

Let's pretend you have no musical taste and you're looking for the cover to Nicki Minaj's new album Pink Friday, go away.  I'm going to use the Talking Heads album cover Speaking In Tongues, because I do have taste.  While not my favorite band, the album cover is perfect to show you what I'm talking about.

Here is the album scanned by someone with no clue:



Click on them, yes one is bigger than the other and one is darker...but that isn't the point.  When you click on it and see the larger images...take note of those ugly ass squares and dots all over the album cover.  That means someone used their hi-res scanner and didin't do any touching up.

Now look at an album cover that was scanned by someone that used NR:


Notice all those ugly squares are gone?

Depending upon what resolution you scanned the image at, will depend on how much noise reduction you use.  To use Noise Reduction, go to the "filter" menu and select "noise" then "median".  Enter a value of 1 if you scanned an image to a smaller resolution...and enter a value of 2 if it's very high res.

You'll see a huge difference, and your stuff won't suck on the internet.

Here's another example that is even more obvious:
Can you figure out which Photoshop user used Noise Reduction?




Wednesday, December 14, 2011

My Pull List for December 14, 2011

Uhm, yes please. With more awesome. And some badass on the side please. More. Thank you. More. Christos Gage is a genius.  There hasn't been a single bad issue in his entire run.  In fact, I have never, ever read anything by Gage that wasn't good.




I don't give a shit what you say. I am so happy Cable's back. The device by which they use to bring him back is irrelevant. Cable is a badass and his most recent series was incredible.




Uh, OK...I guess. Might as well, right? Whatever. Hurry up and finish (and payoff) so I can stop feeling like a sucker.




My LCS claims I'm like 1 of the 3 people buying this book. Too bad, I don't take myself so seriously that I can't enjoy some gore and Baysplosions every now and then...and I don't need to read Crossed to get it.  I'm all set with women eating their own fetuses out of their stomachs...sorry fanboys, I'm not as cultured as you.





This book is a fuggin hoot!




Chugga chugga chugga chugga CHOO CHOO




You hate comics if you're not reading Ben McCool's book:




The first comic, and I'm talking issue number 1, to literally give me chills.




Whatever, I probably should have dropped this and picked up Carnage. But I like a book that doesn't make US military look like assholes like most comic book writers out there tend to do, since most want to be in Hollywood with the rest of the kooks.  So I'll support it.  Don't get me wrong, it's a good story, just not breathtaking.




The second incredible arc of this incredible book comes to its incredible close. This book is incredibly incredible.



The further adventures of Ramblin' Rick and One Eye.