Sunday, August 10, 2014

The Boy That Was Only A Head

A man and a woman are expecting a newborn baby.  During the pregnancy they find out that the child will be born with no arms, legs or torso, just a head.

The wife, upon seeing her son born is terrified and runs away never to be seen from again.

The father loves his son and gives him everything in the world.  Treats him like there's nothing wrong with him.

Fast forward 21 years and the Father brings his son out to a bar for his first beer.

The father and son walk into a nice pub and the Father places his sons head on the bar.  "Bartender, today is my son's 21st birthday! Bring us some Knob Creek and your freshest draught beer!"  The bartender brings over the drinks and places a straw in the drinks for the boy. 

The boy drinks his beer and his head rolls off the bar, falling to the ground where he sprouts a torso.

Amazed, the bartender and father get some more beers. Dad props his son up on the bar, lying him on his back...and asks the bartender to pour another beer directly into his mouth.

The boy finishes the beer and two arms pop out.  Right about now the entire bar is watching in amazement, Dad is crying.

"ANOTHER BEER! NOW!" orders Dad...and the bartender bring it over and hands it to the boy.  He drinks that beer as fast as humanly possible and, you guessed it, two legs pop out, one of them kicking his father off his barstool and knocking his father's beer all over the bar.

Now, the entire bar is watching, cheering...women are crying, men are holding back man tears.  Dad is overcome with joy.

The boy climbs down from the bar and sits on a stool, for the first time in his life and orders another beer.  Everyone is cheering, buying drinks for the boy and his father...basically everyone is going bananas.

They sit there for a while and get very, very drunk.

The boy looks to his father and says, "Dad...I love you.  I can't believe the miracle we've seen here today. This is the start of a new life for me, I can be anything I want and straws can go to hell".  Dad, crying still, agrees and has a few more beers before the boys says, "Dad, I'm walking home.  I'm taking this great new body and walking home...for the first time in my life".

Again, people cheer and cry.

So the boy gets up, stammers towards the door and turns to the wide-eyed bar and says, "Thank you all, God bless you! I'm WALKING HOME!"

He opens the door, walks outside and gets hit by a bus, splattered all over the pavement. Dead.

Shock runs through the bar.  Silence.

Finally, the bartender looks at the sobbing father and says, "Man, that kid shoulda quit while he was a head".

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